The story I’m going to tell is born out of sheer imagination of uncle Jacob which I consider worth quoting. Through this story, I don’t have any intention to defame any religious doctrines or ethnical theory of origins. I love laughing and after hearing this story I couldn’t control my laughter. Let me start with a hope: you might also laugh your lungs out!
Galaxies, Planets, Stars and Comets were born. God created all. He was happy and proud of all His marvelous creations. But, at some point of time He felt so lonely. He had taken Himself to drinking wine to escape from loneliness. He had chosen Planet Earth as His cozy haven, where He can live, roam around and drink good wine.
It was a usual day on earth. But, for God, it wasn’t: He took a decision which would change the course of universe. Looking out at this beautiful world He yelled, “I’m going to create again something which will end my loneliness; I’m really fed up with that”. He couldn’t resist his emotions and opened the cork of a wine bottle. “I need company of someone who looks exactly like me to roam around on this exotic earth. I can also make them play around with my ‘fate’ and ‘destiny’ game” He became very content with His idea.
Human beings: He named them. By smiling, humming and enjoying His daily wine, He readied clay for His ultimate creative adventure. He perfectly carved out human bodies out of clay. In order to bring those human clay models to life, He placed them in His oven and started baking!
Gulping down bottle after bottle of wine, He waited until the clay models were baked. To get them well baked, He waited quite a longer period. God went wrong! Wine took control of its drunken master and He went fast asleep.
Dark fumes and unpleasant smells welcomed poor God when He woke up from His deep slumber. “O! hell! What have I done?” He shouted in agony. The lively human clay models appeared blackish as they were over baked! Feeling ashamed of His error, He threw away those blackish humans to African continent. This Godly act resulted in the origin of Black African people.
“Wine spoiled me!” God understood where He went wrong. Out of anger and shamefulness, He broke the wine bottle and vowed not to touch it ever in His life.
Now, God is determined. He cleaned up his oven and filled it with another set of lifeless human clay models. “I’m the one and only God, I shouldn’t fail this time”, He told himself and meticulously started baking.
After few minutes, something unexpected had happened. “Shit! I need to shit!” God said impatiently. Even God can’t resist Nature’s Call! Out of desperation, He ran to woods and hidden amidst bushes, did the needful.
“Oops! Now I’m relieved” He sighed. After washing arse, He darted back to the oven.
God opened the oven as soon as He reached back. He couldn’t believe His eyes and it took some time for Him to accept His second failure. This time the clay models which were full of life were half baked! He didn’t have any other option other than discarding them too. “What a fucking God I’m!” He told resentfully and threw away those half baked clay models to the European continent. These half baked, whitish human clay models are the ancestors of Europeans and Whites.
“I created the whole universe with ease and devoid of complications. But, what is happening to me now?” God started pondering. “Impatience is my drawback” He said to himself sadly.
Second failure didn’t deter God. With more vigour and patience, He dared to try one more time. He cleaned up the oven again, filled it with another set of human clay models and started baking.
Anticipating troubles on the way, God waited with extra patience. He learnt a lot from his previous mistakes and stayed very vigilant throughout the process. Fortunately, nothing unexpected came along the way. “Creating humans is such a complicated process!” He said in His mind.
Finally, the time has come to open the oven’s lid. God did it with great expectations in His mind. “Alas!” He jumped out of joy. The clay models were well baked and were glowing with wheatish complexion.” Hooray! I did it!” He exclaimed. A sense of achievement filled His heart. He understood that the real success comes after a series of failures.
Tears rolled down God’s cheeks as He kissed all those well baked human clay models. “I call you Indians! My favourite people...you are born after two of my foiled attempts to create human race. You are the ultimate race. You are the best! I promise, one day you will rule the world!” He announced to those final creations and instead of throwing, placed them gently on Indian subcontinent.
Thus, the legacy of both mentally and physically well baked, wheat-skinned Indians had begun!
I set to leave uncle Jacob's shop by holding my laugh deep under my belly. “Whenever possible, spend some time with me dear and you can hear more stories, okay?” he told me. He always wants someone to listen to all his funny stories and appreciate his story telling skills. I fit perfectly for his requirement. “Yes, I will be back uncle!” I smiled back at him.